Why I Let My Guard Down

Recently I've been feeling pretty great. Senior year has been a breeze so far. And I've made it that way. I have chosen a stress-free road, for the most part. Maybe the biggest thing I learned from junior year: freaking out will make even the smallest issues seem huge. School isn't a huge issue for me currently. I have mostly A's and B's. Also, I'm done caring about other people as an outsider. Because there is no "inside" - it's just a giant group of people, all doing their own thing, literally...

But every so often, a few things here and there will get to me, and that familiar friend from junior year will creep up uninvited...stress. It's not like you can ever kill it completely. Even old retired people have stress in some ways, maybe on a smaller scale. But it's nice knowing that I've learned how to deal with it. If the level I'm on now were to stay this level forever, I'd be okay. I feel like things are going to stay about the same, or get much harder...in the future, that is.

Today I let me guard down for half a second. I let stress stare me in the face for a few moments. It freaked me out. His face was ugly and creepy, but I let him pass, instead of inviting him. Now he's out tormenting someone else. It's not my problem. Beautiful. I was in a pickle because my mom still hasn't set up the senior picture thing, and today's the last day or something like that. But regardless, it all got settled. I don't have real problems. I have small, fun, "senior" problems. I love 'em all. I feel like the kid I probably would've hated freshman year. If you can't beat them, join them. Or in this case, "stop caring so much, because there is no 'them' - just a large group of people in a building, all kids doing their own thing at all times." The great truth, children, is that there is nothing to fit in to, ever. Only an ocean (a building, a cafeteria), and it's usually big enough for us all. If you're there, you're there. Some people don't even make it that far. Be proud of where you are, whether you feel like you belong there or not.

Right now, I'm in a hallway, typing away on a laptop. Like a loner. And I love it. I fit in perfectly. I wouldn't be here if it weren't true. "Great times ahead." These are those times.

No stress. Much love.