An Observance 9/01/11

Thursday is the only day of the week Blake and I have lunch together. And of course, we sit at the outcast/nobody's business table. Fine by me.

Today I realized just what one could see from that table by the wall. (Maybe I hadn't noticed before because our cafeteria just got new lights.) Whatever the case, I had the best view of everyone in that room. And our cafeteria is BIG. I surveyed a sea of heads as I was munching on nuggets and fries for $3.50 (not worth it at all). I was sitting next to Blake, but my soul was wandering the place like a lost kid in a grocery store. I saw the preps, the jocks, the preps (and the preps). Main reason for staying away from the cafeteria - too much senseless chatter from people I'll never associate with in the future. Anyway, I just sat there, watching people walking to and from the lunch line. Watching people sit down, get up, walk around, and sit down again. I have no idea why, but it was incredibly interesting to me. (People-watching, you call it? Hmm, sounds like my kind of sport.)

Then for whatever reason, I sporadically came back to myself, there next to Blake. Across the table from us were two "nobody's business" kids. One of them had long hair, the other had longer hair. I sat there, and watched them. I remember hearing them say things like how much "this school sucks" and "I want to punch half these people in the face." In a strange way, the me from two years ago would have agreed. These kids kept banging their fists on the table. It was some sort of desperation in them. Or perhaps just a healthy does of "I don't give a fuck," a popular saying of theirs.

While there was nothing really to "fit in to," I felt out of place. Blake, my good friend, was hanging with these guys because they had lunch together, along with Trey. Blake (at least now) is about halfway what I saw in the kids across from us, or the complete opposite. Sometimes I wonder what they thought when they said the things they did. This is what I've gathered.

No one is worried about what you look like, how high or low your voice is, or how obvious it is that you skipped the shower part of your morning routine to make time for extra sleep. (Ps, I did that three times this week. I'm so lazy.) Thing is, you're worried about you. I'm worried about me. What is he, she or it worried about? Not me. Definitely not you.

As much as it's nobody's business what everyone was up to in the cafeteria, it was my business today. Instead of focusing on "Is my hair okay?", "Did I brush my teeth? Do my homework?", I stepped outside of myself and walked around as the people I saw. It was refreshing.