I was walking up the stairs. Oh, those stairs, where you're shoulder to shoulder with people whose names and faces mean nothing to you. (I can be a bit of a misanthrope, sometimes.) I had headphones in. It's hard to be "attached" to something when it's always abandoning you. I have had three different iPods. First one, broke. Second, stolen in physics class last year. Third, vanished at a friend's house. (Not stolen, vanished. I swear.) So it's pretty easy for me to give up on my musical connections when I am barely "connected." But I have my phone. It holds a small amount of music, but it's something until I get a new iPod (and the cycle repeats). But popping in headphones for a whole class (like I used to) made me see things brighter. I was disconnected, back in the arms of Music. It felt good. My brain cells weren't bouncing off my cerebral walls. It was like having the first cigarette months after quitting. (Can't really know what that's like, but hey, good comparison.)
"Quitting" tastes horrible in my mouth. That word burns my music-filled lungs. I hate the idea that, for some time now, I haven't been connected to music. I've gotten the feeling that it doesn't matter, because music comes out of me as well as it goes in, maybe more so. But having music IN me again changed my thinking. Suddenly I had my focus back. I could pinpoint the tasks at hand and execute them. I even felt like making conversation with people (haha, first time for everything). Whatever the case, I had some odd strength about me. It was addicting.
Hearing music is different than having it at the forefront of your ears, where no one else can cut through. Music gets a VIP seat to the show that is me. And once it's there, everything else makes sense. Even math. (Math making sense. Imagine that!)
Writing with music is something to behold. Right now I've got Alesana's new album spinning in my ears. For that I will remember this experience in the midst of a week that will ask a lot of me. I'm working tonight till 10, tomorrow till 10, and the day after till 10. Friday, I turn 18. (Whoa....WHAT?!) Going to Blake's house for a movie night instead of having a big party. Bringing Bridget with me. It'll be the first time for her meeting some of my friends. A few of them she's met before. Regardless, I'm excited. Then Saturday I'm going to Worlds of Fun with my family and my best friend, Paul. Eighteen will be a great year.
If I had to choose between ears and eyes, I would without a doubt choose ears. Having that always agreeable voice in my ears, backing everything I do, helping me make decisions, giving me the light my eyes simply cannot...I can't live without it. I'm back to headphones for good. My "internal" iPod, as much as I love it, cannot suffice for all the times I'm feeling lost. I'm finally realizing that I cannot write every song I've ever heard in a single thought. (Since this is writing, not talking, I take this time to reveal some information about me that I'm uncomfortable speaking of.) I have perfect pitch. I can hear notes, tell you the letter (A, B, C, D, E, F, G), sharp or flat. Doesn't matter, I've had this ability all my life. I can memorize songs, pitches, just by listening to them once. I can learn songs on guitar by listening to them a few times. When people ask me, "What songs can you play?" I have no idea how the hell to answer them. I don't keep track. Most of the popular songs I can play, I learn by accident while screwing around or jamming.
I hate telling people all of this, because it makes me feel like I don't deserve any of the music I've written. I feel so unworthy of music as a whole, and that's why I continually run to it, whether mentally, or audibly. Lately I've been running to it mentally more than audibly, but I know now that both are important. You can't write a great book without reading a good one first. Music listening strengthens the voice of your music. It's like adding influences to your collection of experience. It's something that will change you, in some way, big or small. I am currently being changed in a big way, by the sweet sounds of Alesana's new album. (This is the part where I try not to sound stereotypical or cliche.) You need to experience this for yourself. don't let me tell you it's important, or it's life-changing. Listen to music, but do it to see with your ears what your eyes could never show you. Get the whole picture, because the one in your mind is still in progress, and it will remain that way till the day we die. Keep taking in, so that you can keep putting out. There is never a point where influence from others won't help you. Not just in music, in all forms of art and in life in general.
Take what is given, listen to it, and love it because someone else imagined it for you. Because as long as it's original, it's something you never would have thought. Everyone has something else to bring to the table. Again, big or small, doens't matter. Some people completely change the world of music you think you know. Artists have done it multiple times throughout history. It takes one mind to influence many. I can't stay in the bubble of my mind's own symphony. I have to let other artists in and let them mold me, while I'm still in control, because I can never stop appreciating their creations. I'm done being selfish.
Life. I could do it with my eyes closed. As long as I have a good set of ears. But I can't rely of any part of me to account for the rest. Open eyes. Open ears. Music heals.
No comments:
Post a Comment