Short answer: because I have a girlfriend, and I love her.
Long answer: This morning was pretty shitty. I stayed up till about 2am last night making a heart-shaped candy box for my girlfriend. I didn't mind it at all; it was fun, knowing it would make her happy. That made me happy to do it.
I had this brilliant plan to get up extra, EXTRA early and sneak it over to her house, set it on her porch, and run away. I woke up at 7:20, 20 minutes before school starts. The anger came rushing out of my pores. I was a terrible person to be around. (It's currently 2:02pm, and I'm sweaty and haven't showered in a couple days. Doubt that's changed, lol.)
What made things worse, my perfect heart box was damaged when I accidentally knocked it off a shelf. I was coming out of the bathroom, and my stupid arm flew up and sent it violently floorward. The bottom piece of cardboard came unattached. The "long-lasting bond" had failed me. But all hope was not lost. I glued it back together, and it was strong and secure. I apologized to my mom for being such a downer.
I got in my car, noticed my windows were completely iced over. Already having lost precious time, I began screaming explicatives. I reluctantly scraped away the ice, and finally got to school, about fifteen minutes late, Bridget's valentines day gift still in hand.
In first block I filled it with gummy bears and cheezits. Then I figured out, I could bring it to her house during lunch. It seemed like a risky plan, because school doesn't allow open lunches. Plus, I wasn't sure if I'd make it back to school in time.
So as soon as fourth block was over, I speed-walked to my car in the senior parking lot, drove at least five to ten miles over the speed limit the whole way to Bridget's house. But I parked a block or so away from her house, just in case someone was home. (My car is really loud.) I ran to her porch, dropped off the heart box filled with gummy bears and cheezits, with a note and a box of convo heart candies, then ran back to my car as fast as I could. I drove back to school, JUST in time to enjoy the last minute of lunch with my friends.
Just like that, mission accomplished. And I was completely happy, because what I had just done, I did it because I love someone. I was disappointed at the beginning of the day because I couldn't get it to her house before school, but everything worked out perfectly. And she texted me during English to let me know she got it, and loved it.
Guys, Valentine's Day is NOT a day of relaxation. It's difficult, frustrating at times. Expensive, if you choose NOT to do what I did. (I made something, instead of dishing out a hundred bucks on pre-packaged shit.) But, if you love somebody, the end result is fantastic. If you put in the effort. If you do a good job, and you know it, you'll win major, MAJOR points. Your confidence will go up. You will have successfully let your lover know that you're thinking about her, in the cutest possible way. And life will be good.
So whatever hell you have to go through in the morning, remember it's because you love somebody. For that my day has been turned around completely. I am in a better mood now than I was yesterday, and that's without having showered or getting up on time. Love really is all you need. As long as Bridget loves me, I know everything will work out. Nothing else really matters that much. A heart-shaped box of candy and cheezits is definitely not asking too much for the love of my life. I was happy to do it. The madness of my day was the thought that I wouldn't be able to pull it off...
When you're in love, you want to please. You simply want to make her feel good, and you can't help but wonder whether you're doing everything right or not. At least that's how I feel. Any doubts I have plunge directly into my morning and make things, a struggle. But the big picture remains the same. I love Bridget. She loves me. Deep down, I realize, if she's on my mind, nothing I do can truly disappoint her.
Operation: Valentine's Day
Mission ACCOMPLISHED
And baby I looovee youuu.
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
Why I'm Changing
Today is Wednesday, January 18th, 2012. To whoever the hell is reading this, I'm sorry it's been so long. (Guess I'm mostly apologizing to myself. Haha.)
It's second semester - the last of senior year. I no longer have the same 6th block class (SEEK). I now have writer's workshop, which is fantastic as always. BUT I don't have my blog time in the hall by the cell. I have to make extra time for these things now. I haven't forced myself to do so till now. But I'm back, and there's a good reason..
These little entries have helped me through so much. They have kept me sane. They helped me to improve my character, my love for others. But since I stopped, I noticed something MAJOR missing from my life. I didn't realize how attached I had become to such a simple thing. Writing. Not poems and lyrics. Not just in writer's workshop or at home in my notebook. Blogging. About nothing. I love it. It's fantastic. I missed it so much. It was an easy, cheap form of therapy. I don't know what I'd do without it.
In fact, I'm not sure what I did without it for a while. It's 2012. My last entry was 2011. It's obviously been a while. Glad I didn't let it get away from me any further.
So that's that. This thing helps me to live my best. It keeps the crazy under control, because it's always up there. There's a trend (I talked about it in my last entry.) where I tend to forget to count my blessings. The autumn season always brings me back to my cheery, thankful state. It's become rare lately. Now it's January. My thankfulness has slipped away completely. I've been neglecting God and everything I need to do painfully.
This is why I'm changing. I want to be better. That's nothing new. But now I know I NEED to be better. People depend on me. It'd be selfish to stay the same. I need to be better for the people I love. I can't afford to disappoint anyone, or myself. I need to do what I set out to do. All of it.
To be continued. . .
It's second semester - the last of senior year. I no longer have the same 6th block class (SEEK). I now have writer's workshop, which is fantastic as always. BUT I don't have my blog time in the hall by the cell. I have to make extra time for these things now. I haven't forced myself to do so till now. But I'm back, and there's a good reason..
These little entries have helped me through so much. They have kept me sane. They helped me to improve my character, my love for others. But since I stopped, I noticed something MAJOR missing from my life. I didn't realize how attached I had become to such a simple thing. Writing. Not poems and lyrics. Not just in writer's workshop or at home in my notebook. Blogging. About nothing. I love it. It's fantastic. I missed it so much. It was an easy, cheap form of therapy. I don't know what I'd do without it.
In fact, I'm not sure what I did without it for a while. It's 2012. My last entry was 2011. It's obviously been a while. Glad I didn't let it get away from me any further.
So that's that. This thing helps me to live my best. It keeps the crazy under control, because it's always up there. There's a trend (I talked about it in my last entry.) where I tend to forget to count my blessings. The autumn season always brings me back to my cheery, thankful state. It's become rare lately. Now it's January. My thankfulness has slipped away completely. I've been neglecting God and everything I need to do painfully.
This is why I'm changing. I want to be better. That's nothing new. But now I know I NEED to be better. People depend on me. It'd be selfish to stay the same. I need to be better for the people I love. I can't afford to disappoint anyone, or myself. I need to do what I set out to do. All of it.
To be continued. . .
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
Song #2: Blind Pilot - "The Story I Heard"
Not all songs render specific memories. Some span phases of our lives, even seasons. This is a seasons song. It's one of many in my book (or library, what have you).
I would quote the entire song, but you should really just listen to it. It's about faithfulness (or lack thereof). At least that's what it's about when I hear it. "Oh but the story I heard, is the people are bored. And the measures you'd take, to wrestle with your lord."
"Heard you tried to keep your hat on the shelf. Marry the women, went off and loved someone else."
Who's getting my love? It's hard to tell sometimes, if I'm really in my right mind. But it's fall, it's THAT time of year. (Let me explain. Each year, around this time, I start remembering to count my blessings. A new trend for me has been to forget that detail most of the time. I'm working on breaking that trend. Like all trends, it needs to die.)
That's that. This is the song that reminds me of all the times I've remembered to count my blessings. When I remember to give my thanks where it's due. This is the song that makes me think of her, them, Him. It's better when they come first. I don't deserve that kind of honor. There are times to be selfish, and I abuse them too often.
This song makes me think of Thanksgiving, specifically.
"Hey Jojo, don't forget your name. Might try to keep you from the man you've been. So don't go that way. Don't go that way."
That's the way in which I often find myself walking. Around this time of year I catch myself. I see my family, I see all the beautiful reasons I'm alive, and I realize that my own happiness is never one of them. We live to love others, and in doing so, to know who we are. The more we focus on ourselves, the less we remember who we actually are. Our best comes out whenever we finish last. This song helps me relax and be happy for everyone else. When everything sucks, be happy that things don't suck for someone else. Instead of being selfish or jealous, or any of the things I've been, it's so much better to just be content. Stop, look around, and stand there. Love where you're standing, and love who you've "married." Don't make up problems based on what you think you don't deserve. Then people won't tell stories about who you could've been.
A little deeper. Not really a specific memory, but this song holds a very special place in my heart. As to the band's original intention lyrically, I could be way off. But again, lyrics read one way to the writer, and another way to the listener. I'm still listening, not to myself, to you. To the people that I live for. To her. To them. To Him.
"One of these mornings, we'll be home."
I would quote the entire song, but you should really just listen to it. It's about faithfulness (or lack thereof). At least that's what it's about when I hear it. "Oh but the story I heard, is the people are bored. And the measures you'd take, to wrestle with your lord."
"Heard you tried to keep your hat on the shelf. Marry the women, went off and loved someone else."
Who's getting my love? It's hard to tell sometimes, if I'm really in my right mind. But it's fall, it's THAT time of year. (Let me explain. Each year, around this time, I start remembering to count my blessings. A new trend for me has been to forget that detail most of the time. I'm working on breaking that trend. Like all trends, it needs to die.)
That's that. This is the song that reminds me of all the times I've remembered to count my blessings. When I remember to give my thanks where it's due. This is the song that makes me think of her, them, Him. It's better when they come first. I don't deserve that kind of honor. There are times to be selfish, and I abuse them too often.
This song makes me think of Thanksgiving, specifically.
"Hey Jojo, don't forget your name. Might try to keep you from the man you've been. So don't go that way. Don't go that way."
That's the way in which I often find myself walking. Around this time of year I catch myself. I see my family, I see all the beautiful reasons I'm alive, and I realize that my own happiness is never one of them. We live to love others, and in doing so, to know who we are. The more we focus on ourselves, the less we remember who we actually are. Our best comes out whenever we finish last. This song helps me relax and be happy for everyone else. When everything sucks, be happy that things don't suck for someone else. Instead of being selfish or jealous, or any of the things I've been, it's so much better to just be content. Stop, look around, and stand there. Love where you're standing, and love who you've "married." Don't make up problems based on what you think you don't deserve. Then people won't tell stories about who you could've been.
A little deeper. Not really a specific memory, but this song holds a very special place in my heart. As to the band's original intention lyrically, I could be way off. But again, lyrics read one way to the writer, and another way to the listener. I'm still listening, not to myself, to you. To the people that I live for. To her. To them. To Him.
"One of these mornings, we'll be home."
Monday, November 21, 2011
Song #1: Cheap Trick - "Surrender"
When I was a kid, up into middle school and freshman year, my dad and I would go to Worlds of Fun CONSTANTLY. We always got season passes. (To this day, my family has a tradition of renting a cabin in the WOF village the last weekend of October, to celebrate halloween/my birthday.)
I wouldn't bring anyone. It was just me and Dad. We rode all the coasters, the Mamba, the Patriot, the Prowler (well, that wasn't built till a few years ago, but still). Then we'd ride them again. We were (and are) coaster fanatics. Worlds of Fun is the best thing we've got in this area. (We actually drove to Six Flags, St. Louis, once. It was pretty fun, but not what we were used to. The lines spanned miles..)
The times that I spent with my dad were times that I could never trade for anything. He was my hero. We've ridden those roller coasters countless times together. It was a way in which we bonded. But it was the little things that bring this song, and others, to mind.
Once we went on a Sunday night. I was in 7th or 8th grade. It had looked like it was going to rain. We got to the park, and it started pouring. We stood in line at the Spinning Dragons, soaked. Finally, we rode it, and we rode one other ride a few times because it was an indoor ride.
At that point, my Dad found out that we were under a tornado watch. So we had to hit the road. We came home drenched, having only ridden a few rides, and still it's a memory that I'll hang on to forever.
When I was younger, 9 or 10, my dad and I would always compete to see who could spot the top of the Mamba from the highway. We would be listening to whatever his music happened to be. One song I'll always remember as our "Worlds of Fun" song is SURRENDER (LIVE) by CHEAP TRICK.
"This is next one! ....is, the FIRST song, on our newww album." Ah Cheap Trick. I never got into them, but that song became part of me. I always thought of sunny days where the air was filled with the crisp smell of warmed gravel underfoot. It was the Worlds of Fun smell. To this day, I could tell that smell immediately. Summer afternoons were spent soaring skyward then back to earth on trains with seats for two, four to a car. (The seat in the verrry back was the best...you went down the hill the fastest.)
"Mommy's alright. Daddy's alright. They just seem a little weird.
Surrender, surrender, but don't give yourself awayyyy...
...ayyyy....AAYYYYYAYAAAYYYYYY."
I paid no attention to the lyrics that I mindlessly sang in the car. All I knew when I heard it, was 'it's gonna be a great day.' I lived to ride roller coasters with my dad. It was the reason I left my house, other than school. I stayed home most of the time, recording songs in my basement, playing my guitar, or I'd be at Paul's house across the street. Those were my preteen years. And through all the confusion of that age and the misery it sometimes brought...I miss it. I miss it a lot.
I wouldn't bring anyone. It was just me and Dad. We rode all the coasters, the Mamba, the Patriot, the Prowler (well, that wasn't built till a few years ago, but still). Then we'd ride them again. We were (and are) coaster fanatics. Worlds of Fun is the best thing we've got in this area. (We actually drove to Six Flags, St. Louis, once. It was pretty fun, but not what we were used to. The lines spanned miles..)
The times that I spent with my dad were times that I could never trade for anything. He was my hero. We've ridden those roller coasters countless times together. It was a way in which we bonded. But it was the little things that bring this song, and others, to mind.
Once we went on a Sunday night. I was in 7th or 8th grade. It had looked like it was going to rain. We got to the park, and it started pouring. We stood in line at the Spinning Dragons, soaked. Finally, we rode it, and we rode one other ride a few times because it was an indoor ride.
At that point, my Dad found out that we were under a tornado watch. So we had to hit the road. We came home drenched, having only ridden a few rides, and still it's a memory that I'll hang on to forever.
When I was younger, 9 or 10, my dad and I would always compete to see who could spot the top of the Mamba from the highway. We would be listening to whatever his music happened to be. One song I'll always remember as our "Worlds of Fun" song is SURRENDER (LIVE) by CHEAP TRICK.
"This is next one! ....is, the FIRST song, on our newww album." Ah Cheap Trick. I never got into them, but that song became part of me. I always thought of sunny days where the air was filled with the crisp smell of warmed gravel underfoot. It was the Worlds of Fun smell. To this day, I could tell that smell immediately. Summer afternoons were spent soaring skyward then back to earth on trains with seats for two, four to a car. (The seat in the verrry back was the best...you went down the hill the fastest.)
"Mommy's alright. Daddy's alright. They just seem a little weird.
Surrender, surrender, but don't give yourself awayyyy...
...ayyyy....AAYYYYYAYAAAYYYYYY."
I paid no attention to the lyrics that I mindlessly sang in the car. All I knew when I heard it, was 'it's gonna be a great day.' I lived to ride roller coasters with my dad. It was the reason I left my house, other than school. I stayed home most of the time, recording songs in my basement, playing my guitar, or I'd be at Paul's house across the street. Those were my preteen years. And through all the confusion of that age and the misery it sometimes brought...I miss it. I miss it a lot.
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
Introduction for WW
Even though I've been posting here for months, I'm writing this introduction for writer's workshop, because we're starting a new assignment. The theme is for everyone to choose, in his or her blog. It must combine my love of two things (writing, and one other thing). And the theme must be constant throughout.
Similar to what I have been doing, answering questions (each post beginning with "Why" or "Where" or "How"), I've decided to post songs that can be linked to personal memories. There are certain songs, albums, and artists that when listened to, tend to bridge mental gaps for certain people. Lyrics aren't often meant to be literal or technical; if written honestly, they are to be healing agents, made custom for the listener based on his or her experience with the music. If a song brings with it a memory or the thought of a person, then the lyrics should appear to mean something similar, whether they're meant to be interpreted that way. Genuine lyrics don't "cover all the bases" or "appeal to a specific audience." They read one way to the writer, and another way to the listener. People write lyrics for the answers they can't find in other people's songs. For most of my good memories, there are songs that take me to them. Music is, in a way, like time travel. It can confuse us as easily as it can clarify the past. Some songs pop up when remembering a single moment, while others take us back through entire phases of our lives.
Similar to what I have been doing, answering questions (each post beginning with "Why" or "Where" or "How"), I've decided to post songs that can be linked to personal memories. There are certain songs, albums, and artists that when listened to, tend to bridge mental gaps for certain people. Lyrics aren't often meant to be literal or technical; if written honestly, they are to be healing agents, made custom for the listener based on his or her experience with the music. If a song brings with it a memory or the thought of a person, then the lyrics should appear to mean something similar, whether they're meant to be interpreted that way. Genuine lyrics don't "cover all the bases" or "appeal to a specific audience." They read one way to the writer, and another way to the listener. People write lyrics for the answers they can't find in other people's songs. For most of my good memories, there are songs that take me to them. Music is, in a way, like time travel. It can confuse us as easily as it can clarify the past. Some songs pop up when remembering a single moment, while others take us back through entire phases of our lives.
Monday, November 7, 2011
Why He's Gone.
A few nights ago, Friday, a classmate of mine, Tom, hung himself. Today is Monday. And the entire senior class has been mourning his passing. I barely knew him, but we've had classes before in the past. Last year, he and I made an egg carrier in physics. It was supposed to keep the egg from shattering when we dropped it on the floor.
I remember that Tom was always quiet. He spoke up whenever it was absolutely necessary, but stayed quiet whenever it wasn't. He didn't talk to hear his own voice, like most people. For that I admired him. He seemed content. He seemed okay. "Seemed" is a stupid word.
I haven't been able to think about anything else all day. What could have been. Like I said, I barely knew him, but I knew who he was. I saw him in classes we had together, and we were friends on Facebook. He was my age, and his name was Tom. I wish I knew what happened.
You never know what people have brewing under the surface. Tom, for all intents and purposes, was an average high school kid, with problems and traits like us all. But something in him led him to believe he had run out of options. No one here knows how to feel about it, especially not me, besides sad.
No one goes without being missed. No one commits suicide without hurting someone. The thoughts that lead people to think suicidal things are lies, because anyone who ever reached out for help was faced with the choice of taking it or leaving it. Tom not only left his help behind; he left a school, a family, friends, and a future behind. He walked out on his own life, because something in him lied to him and said it wasn't worth trying.
I don't know much about the situation, but I know that Tom deserved better. No one gets to tell him that now. It's too late. That's why he's gone. Tom either didn't know the truth, that is he was completely worthy of the life he had ahead of him, or he chose to ignore it.
Suicide hurts. Lies hurt. Truth heals.
I remember that Tom was always quiet. He spoke up whenever it was absolutely necessary, but stayed quiet whenever it wasn't. He didn't talk to hear his own voice, like most people. For that I admired him. He seemed content. He seemed okay. "Seemed" is a stupid word.
I haven't been able to think about anything else all day. What could have been. Like I said, I barely knew him, but I knew who he was. I saw him in classes we had together, and we were friends on Facebook. He was my age, and his name was Tom. I wish I knew what happened.
You never know what people have brewing under the surface. Tom, for all intents and purposes, was an average high school kid, with problems and traits like us all. But something in him led him to believe he had run out of options. No one here knows how to feel about it, especially not me, besides sad.
No one goes without being missed. No one commits suicide without hurting someone. The thoughts that lead people to think suicidal things are lies, because anyone who ever reached out for help was faced with the choice of taking it or leaving it. Tom not only left his help behind; he left a school, a family, friends, and a future behind. He walked out on his own life, because something in him lied to him and said it wasn't worth trying.
I don't know much about the situation, but I know that Tom deserved better. No one gets to tell him that now. It's too late. That's why he's gone. Tom either didn't know the truth, that is he was completely worthy of the life he had ahead of him, or he chose to ignore it.
Suicide hurts. Lies hurt. Truth heals.
Thursday, November 3, 2011
Why I'm Not Too Smart
Today was a late start (School starts at 9:40 instead of 7:40). I woke up at 6, slide my "alarm bar" on my phone to the Dismiss option, and went back sleeping. I didn't even think of hitting snooze for some reason. I woke up later around 8:30, not knowing what day of the week it was or what time it was or anything of that nature. The sun was shining in my clean room. (That's right, you heard me...CLEAN.) I gave thanks, because I could tell it would be a beautiful day. And above all else..it was Thursday. The best day of school every week. (Thursdays are even days, so I have NO hard classes. Maybe we've been through this? Eh, whatever.)
I'm in 6th block right now, typing away. I'm starting to sound like your average "Look at me, I can write and be descriptive and smart" student, so I'll stop with the details and just explain the title: "Why I'm Not Too Smart."
I feel as if liberals (left-wing, democrat, what have you) are very smart. They are all intellectually sound and confident in their, well, smartness. But I've come to find that most of them stand for the things I despise...abortion, gay rights (as if they're not already in their rights), etc. (By the way, I reserve the right to express my views in this blog, with no intention of offending anyone. I just want to be honest.)
Maybe God made us this way. When we get too smart, we start believing our own ideas, like evolution, for example. Discovering things and analyzing them, giving lofty speeches, these are the ways in which we empower ourselves mentally. After being full of "the smart," we come up with ways to be number 1, so that no one stands beyond us or above us. Truth is, someone does stand above us, and He's the only reason we're allowed to think the way we do, even breathe.
I'm sure God appreciates intellectuals, always thinking, using their God-gifted brains. But no one is smarter than God. And by trying to convince ourselves that He's not there, or not relevant, or maybe just not listening, we're dumbing ourselves down big time. Most scientists will tell you the earth is millions of years old and that we are the product of plants and animals growing and changing overtime. And WE believe them, because they're just oh so smart. But if a two-year-old tried to explain the theory of evolution, it would probably sound something like this:
"There once was nothing. Just a big NOTHING. Then NOTHING exploded into SOMETHING and made THE WORLD. Then animals happened, and then there were PEOPLE. And that's what happened."
Does it really make any fucking sense? People take things that don't go together at all, and make them belief systems. The same goes for food, music, everything. Most of it was weird in the beginning, but then smart people started endorsing it, and it became completely normal. Fact. Is it weird that America was founded by Christians? Yep. Is God an interesting and weird mythological CONCEPT? Apparently.
Now picture this, coming from the mouth of a two-year-old:
"There once was nothing. Just GOD. Then GOD made THE WORLD. Then GOD made animals and then PEOPLE. And that's what happened."
It doesn't take a lifetime of research and "smartness" to say something that actually makes sense. The great truth, is that there are many children in the world who know more about life than the most acclaimed scientists in the world. And sadly, I don't see a trend starting.
God, this world is all yours. Help the few of us who are listening to change it.
I'm in 6th block right now, typing away. I'm starting to sound like your average "Look at me, I can write and be descriptive and smart" student, so I'll stop with the details and just explain the title: "Why I'm Not Too Smart."
I feel as if liberals (left-wing, democrat, what have you) are very smart. They are all intellectually sound and confident in their, well, smartness. But I've come to find that most of them stand for the things I despise...abortion, gay rights (as if they're not already in their rights), etc. (By the way, I reserve the right to express my views in this blog, with no intention of offending anyone. I just want to be honest.)
Maybe God made us this way. When we get too smart, we start believing our own ideas, like evolution, for example. Discovering things and analyzing them, giving lofty speeches, these are the ways in which we empower ourselves mentally. After being full of "the smart," we come up with ways to be number 1, so that no one stands beyond us or above us. Truth is, someone does stand above us, and He's the only reason we're allowed to think the way we do, even breathe.
I'm sure God appreciates intellectuals, always thinking, using their God-gifted brains. But no one is smarter than God. And by trying to convince ourselves that He's not there, or not relevant, or maybe just not listening, we're dumbing ourselves down big time. Most scientists will tell you the earth is millions of years old and that we are the product of plants and animals growing and changing overtime. And WE believe them, because they're just oh so smart. But if a two-year-old tried to explain the theory of evolution, it would probably sound something like this:
"There once was nothing. Just a big NOTHING. Then NOTHING exploded into SOMETHING and made THE WORLD. Then animals happened, and then there were PEOPLE. And that's what happened."
Does it really make any fucking sense? People take things that don't go together at all, and make them belief systems. The same goes for food, music, everything. Most of it was weird in the beginning, but then smart people started endorsing it, and it became completely normal. Fact. Is it weird that America was founded by Christians? Yep. Is God an interesting and weird mythological CONCEPT? Apparently.
Now picture this, coming from the mouth of a two-year-old:
"There once was nothing. Just GOD. Then GOD made THE WORLD. Then GOD made animals and then PEOPLE. And that's what happened."
It doesn't take a lifetime of research and "smartness" to say something that actually makes sense. The great truth, is that there are many children in the world who know more about life than the most acclaimed scientists in the world. And sadly, I don't see a trend starting.
God, this world is all yours. Help the few of us who are listening to change it.
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